A few days ago I received word that my good friend Chris Hodson had died. Chris was one of those invincible kind of men, six-four, over 300 pounds, strong and tough. In earlier years, he played rugby, rowed on crew, and wrestled in college on major teams. On the back fields as kids, we played pickup tackle football. It usually took six or seven of us to bring him down. He would plod on – he always plodded, even when running down a bus or train, with his shoes slapping the pavement with great WHAMs – and make extra yards as we tore and gnashed at his legs and arms. We couldn’t get around his torso, that was plain.

In the swimming pool, we coursed about in little blue plastic boats and he played Moby Dick. Of course, Chris became the invincible Moby. We speared him with paddles, slapped at his head with the flat end of the paddle. He just took it and sank us all anyway.

I don’t remember ever indulging in any boy game – king of the mountain, kill the man with the ball, apple fights – where it didn’t end up all of us against him. I don’t really know why it became that way with our clan. He simply inspired that kind of response. We could never defeat him individually, so naturally all of us united against him, thinking we could fell him. Never did he fall once. And he loved it, egging us all on with taunts like, “Can’t take me down. Can’t hurt me.” Bam! An apple in the mouth. “Oh, that tasted good. Throw another treat.”

Not that he was some hard-nosed, street-fighter. Certainly one of the gentlest men I ever knew for his size and strength, I remember once at the poker table, he spotted a downed fly on the pile of money. Someone called for a slap, but Chris moved quickly to grab the fly, get up from the table, take it to the door, and release it into the wild. “A fly deserves to live too,” was all he would say. You could always count on him to defend you, be on your side, or share his lunch when you were hungry.

In his later years, and I having become a Christian at the age of twenty-one, I tried hard to convert him. We argued, I explained this and that, he had many questions, but always I could never get him to cross the line of real faith. I considered him a seeker, though, always admitting that while he claimed he was an atheist, his questions and respectful listening showed me he had his doubts. And he respected my faith, too, to the uttermost. When he cussed with a “God-damn” or a “Jesus Christ,” he always stopped in middle of sentence and turned to me: “Sorry, Mark. Excuse my French.”

In our late fifties, Chris, our poker buddies from high school and college, and some others, began having reunions at one of the guys’ summer home on Lake Erie, north of Syracuse, New York. We fished, ate heartily, drank like fish (all except me), smoked cigars on the deck, exchanged jokes and stories, argued politics, and played poker, poker, poker. For four days, we reveled, and it was always a highlight of my summer. After the first year, I began taking my eleven-year old son, Gardner, and he loved it too, especially the fishing and poker. Chris, a giant next to him, became a friend and fellow jokester. He laughed at Gardner’s impressions of Gollum, Igor, Mickey Mouse, and Arnold Schwarzeneggar. Gardner responded the same way to Chris’ everlasting jibes and witticisms.

Our third year, I went determined to share the gospel with all of them. I had gone the previous two years with the same goal, but I deferred to God to let it come up naturally. I didn’t want to force things on them. I figured in due time someone would begin asking questions.

The first two years, the subject never came up. I patiently looked for an opportunity, but it never appeared and it seemed God said to me, “Just be patient.”

Then the third year, the second evening I walked out onto the deck with a cigar in my left hand and a Fresca in my right. We had enjoyed some shrimp and raw oysters earlier, and were now awaiting a dinner of steak, shrimp, and fresh salmon, caught on the lake that afternoon. I could tell the group felt mellow with the sun beginning to set before us across the lake, and the air cool and crisp. I sat down and suddenly I was into it with Chris and a few others. The questions flew. I answered from the Bible, memory, and all my knowledge. At one point, no one seemed to understand what God could be like in relation to people like us and I told the story of the prodigal son.

It registered, and I could tell they were impressed that the Bible had such a story and that it meant to picture a God the Jews had never thought of. But then Chris, as he had been saying all along, began to hit me with some of the more important personal questions I’d never heard from him before.
“So what about drinking beer and the Bible?” he asked.

I almost laughed. I knew it was important to him, but it seemed a little comical in view of the world condition at the time with the presidential election coming up and wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. I said, “Well, you know Jesus was accused quite often of being a glutton and a drunkard. He liked to eat and drink, clearly.”

“A drunkard?” Chris asked.

“I don’t think Jesus actually got roaring drunk, as that would be against scripture, but his enemies may have exaggerated it a little because they hated him so. And Jesus did turn water into wine in his first public miracle at a wedding in the city of Cana. It’s in John 2. The wine was so good, when the servants brought it in and had the head-waiter taste it, he exclaimed that at a party you always served the best wine first, but in this case they’d saved the best for last. And in other places, while drunkenness was always frowned on, there are passages that indicate getting a little high wasn’t out of the question. Wine made your eyes shine, according to Proverbs, and ‘making merry’ using wine wasn’t necessarily a sin.”

Chris seemed stunned and added, “That’s the truth?”

“Yes.” I laughed. “Chris, I’m sitting with you guys and I’ve had a few beers while here. I assure you as Christians go, I’m one of the fanatical ones. God hasn’t incinerated me yet for it. Sure, drunkenness is condemned in places, but there have been times in my life as a Christian that circumstances got me so stressed, I went out and bought a bottle of rum or vodka and proceeded to relieve the stress by getting quite loaded. I felt some guilt about it always, but it seemed to me God understood how a person could get to that point. In fact, when Noah, after the Flood in the Ark for almost a year, got to dry land, one of the first things he did was plant a vineyard. Next, he whipped up a batch of wine and got so drunk, he went walking around naked and collapsed in his tent, passed out. God never censures him for that. Why? Perhaps because God knew after what Noah had been through, he needed that kind of release. I just don’t think God condemns such drinking, unless it’s such a habit that you’re ruining your life.”

Even Chris laughed this time. Then he said, “What about poker?”

Now we were getting to the nitty and gritty. I said, “While Jesus was accused of being a glutton and a drunkard, the thing that really enraged his enemies was that he hung out with sinners, tax-collectors – to a Jew the worst of the worst, as well as prostitutes, and all the riffraff. They couldn’t figure it out, but Jesus said to them, ‘I haven’t come to call the really good people, but the bad ones. They’re the ones that need me.’ So,” I continued, “I don’t know what games they played – poker hadn’t been invented yet – but they gambled and probably engaged in all kinds of betting and so on. Maybe they played Go Fish for money, since so many of them were fishermen.”

That got a rise out of Chris. ” We don’t know that Jesus himself partook, but he was there with them, and probably observed them without judgment and maybe even cheered them on. These were the people considered the lowest of the low and they were Jesus’ friends. Were they friends with Jesus because he came to their parties and promptly began preaching against their behavior, calling out this one and that one as going to hell? No, they were friends because in a sense Jesus was one them: real; tolerant; caring; understanding; loving.

“Who knows? Jesus was a man of the people and the ones that most hated him were the super-religious types. In fact, they were the ones who demanded that Jesus be crucified. Even today it’s some of the super-religious types who condemn all the things you’re talking about, but I don’t see it. They’re just social ways of having fun. If you want to know what God hates, what kinds of sins he despises, look at the Ten Commandments. It’s taking his name in vain, worshiping false Gods, treating your parents with disrespect, and killing, adultery, lying, stealing, and coveting. In the New Testament, Jesus was asked what the primary commandment was. He didn’t say, ‘Don’t dance, smoke, drink, or chew.’ No, he said, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and might,’ and a second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”

Chris sat there puffing on his cigar, his eyes riveted to mine. I couldn’t tell what he must be thinking, but I knew the interest level at that moment was greater than I’d ever seen before.

There was a silence and then Chris asked, as if toting out the biggest dilemma of all, “What about cigars?”

I smiled, realizing that these were the kinds of issues he seemed to really wrestle with in relation to Christianity.

I lifted my hand and took a dramatic puff on my own cigar. Then I said, “Chris, I’m smoking one right now. Not that I do this often, mostly only here, but I honestly don’t think it would have been beyond Jesus to smoke the occasional stogie when hanging out with the people. I mean, I could easily see him visiting here and sitting down with us, enjoying everything the way we are, without resorting to harsh preaching. In fact, the only people Jesus ever got nasty with were the Pharisees, the ones who played at being faithful by keeping all kinds of rules, mostly tiny little tidbits that gave them control over the people, but who were hypocrites because they left aside the most important ones of love and charity. Jesus really let them have in several places in the Gospels. As for the bad guys, the prostitutes, tax-collectors, sinners, and hard-living types, all Jesus ever said were things like, ‘I forgive you. Go and sin no more.’ These things you’re talking about just aren’t big issues with God.”
Chris sat there quite solemn. Then suddenly a big smile broke on his lips and he said, “Littleton, I think I like your brand of Christianity.”

We talked on, me telling everyone how to take a step of faith and believe. We talked about heaven, and Chris, whose wife had died of cancer in the early years of their marriage, reacted strongly when I said that he would see her again there, forever, if he came to faith in Christ. Even though everyone admitted they just weren’t ready to take a step of faith, even Chris, I saw then that they were more open to it than at any time in the past.

When Chris died, I wept, thinking dreaded things about what might have happened to him. A friend wrote me that unbelievers just don’t understand the heart-break we Christians feel when someone we love goes into a Christless eternity. But Chris had made his decision and perhaps even then was experiencing the remorse of life without God.

I wept all the more until that night when something happened. God gave me a little glimpse of something new. A vision? I don’t know. It was brief, just a look. But I saw Chris in his house the day of his death, sitting in his easy chair, reading the paper. In those last minutes, maybe even seconds, God visited Chris, reminding him of those words two years before on the deck. Chris sat there stunned. Then he said, “Poker? Beer? Cigars? Seeing my wife in heaven? What else is there? What the heck? I believe.”

And then God took him.

Does that seem preposterous, a joke, a lie? I believe God does things like that. Jesus did with the thief on the cross. Why wouldn’t he do it with others who have delayed faith for whatever reasons and now stand on the brink of eternity? Why couldn’t God bring to mind some salient truth that leads the person at that moment to the truth?

I don’t think people who believe they can delay faith so they can “sin it up” until their final moments, supposing that they can finally believe then, will cut much ice with God. But with those who are sincerely deluded, I think God might break through in their last moments and turn them into believers.

I believe God works like that in the world. He is bigger than those who say he could do nothing for people like my friend Chris. He is bigger than having us believe people who have never made a profession of faith in this world couldn’t have made one in the last private seconds of their lives. God is a God of grace. That means he’s a God of gifts. What greater gift could he give to my friend Chris for whom I’d prayed for many years as well as many others, for whom I had a great love and who had loved me back. Why shouldn’t I believe that God might have come to him like that in his last moments? Do I have to go on for the rest of my life thinking that my friend Chris was in hell because I wasn’t able to elicit those words from him, “Yes, I believe”?

God is bigger than our limited horizons that think God can’t do miracles even into the last moments of a person’s life. For me today, anyone who dies without faith is someone I can entrust to God for his final decisions about that person. God is capable of moving on anyone even in their last seconds of life.

That’s the kind of God we have, one who gives hope not despair, who gives life not condemnation, and who cares infinitely more than any of us ever will about those who are lost. In a word, he is much bigger than our knee-jerk thoughts about faith, theology, and him.

   The lion will lie down with the lamb.

                  Isaiah 11:6

   I read Elizabeth a picture book one night about Noah and his ark. We spent most of the reading pointing out the animals and asking her what they were. “Zebra. Giraffe. Tiger.” And so on. Then we came to the lion.

   Elizabeth got the lion right. But then she said, “Let’s get a lion, Daddy.”

   “Get a lion?”

   “Let’s catch one.”

   “Where?”

   “Down in the trees.”

   I suppose a little one at age four might think such a thing possible. But since we live in Kansas City, Missouri, I strongly doubted we could just walk down into the trees and nab one by the scruff of the neck and lead him home. Nonetheless, this conversation sounded too good to drop, so I asked, “How are we going to catch a lion, honey?”
   She thought about it, and then said, “With a catching thing.”

   I held back my guffaws and queried further, “What’s a ‘catching thing’?”

   “You know, you catch things with it.”

   Ah, that made sense. Jeanette, seated next to me on the bed working on her computer, turned to us and said, “She means a net.”

   I said to Elizabeth, “Do you mean a net?”

   “No, a catching thing.”

   “What does it look like?”

   I expected some descriptive thought. But she shook her head, “You just catch things with it, Daddy, that’s all.”
   “Okay,” I finally said, “but what will we do with a lion if we catch one?”

   “We’ll bring it home. It’ll be like Zoe and Pickles and Frodo.” Zoe is our enormous half-black-lab/half chow horse dog. Pickles and Frodo are cats.

   “So you mean it will be a pet?”

   “Right.”

   “Won’t you be afraid of it?”

   “No, I’ll pet it, Daddy. Like I do Zoe.”

   Ah, that should be fun. “So what will we feed it?”
   Again, deep thought. Then: “We’ll feed it lion food.”
   “What’s lion food?”

   “You know, like cat food and dog food, except for lions.”

   This was getting curiouser and curiouser. “And where will we get this lion food?”

   “Oh, Daddy, you know. Wal-Mart, where we get everything.”

   Actually, come to think of it, I would be willing to bet Wal-Mart had a whole aisle dedicated to lion food, lion litter, lion chew toys, all of it.

   Elizabeth said, “We could feed it the hamster.”

   “The hamster?”

   “It would just be a snack. But I bet lions like hamsters.”

   “Why do you think that?”

   “Frodo an Pickles are always tying to eat him, so I think a lion would, too.”

   I decided this charade had gone on long enough. “Honey,” I said, “we can’t go catch a lion. They don’t live here.”

   “Then let’s go where they live.”
   “Where’s that?”

   “Oh, Daddy, sometimes you are not very smart. They live at the zoo.”

   Ah, yes, how could I have forgotten? 

The Six-Pound Cheeseburger

 My nine-year old son, Gardner, rifled through his new Ripley’s Believe It or Not book I’d bought him at Borders with one of my 30% off coupons they send me every other day. In the last two months, I’ve bought enough books to last me through the Chelsea Clinton Administration.

 I was driving the van toward somewhere, don’t remember where.

 He said, “Hey, Dad, listen to this one!”

 “Go ahead.”

 He read a story about some restaurant in Pennsylvania that specializes in the biggest cheeseburger on earth. “Look at this,” Gardner said, pointing to the picture of this luscious burger ladled with mushrooms, onions, peppers, and melted cheese. “It says it weighs six pounds,” Gardner said. “And it says no one has ever been able to eat one. Never. Not once.” 

I nodded, rather amazed. “Six pounds is a big burger.”

 Gardner looked over at me. “But I bet you could eat it, Dad!”

 I gazed at him, incredulous. “What?”

 “You could. You can eat anything. You should go there. If you eat the whole thing, they don’t make you pay for it.”

 What a deal! I should fly out this afternoon. Get a limo right to the place. I mean, this involves big money.

 I had to ask, “What makes you think I could eat that thing?”

 “You eat everything, Dad. I’ve seen you. Mom makes spaghetti or that rice and sausage stuff we all love. You eat like eight plates of it.”

 “I do not.”

 “Four.”

 “Gardner, I don’t think I’ve ever eaten more than two or three.”

 “Yeah, but the plates are piled like a foot high.”

 I drove along, a little astonished at these revelations. “Gardner, do you think I’m fat?”

 There was a long silence. “Will you kill me if I tell you?”

 I laughed. “I guess that’s my answer.”

 “It’s okay, Dad. At school we’re supposed to respect everyone, even fat people.”

 How glad in that moment I was for the multicultural emphasis these days. I guess I didn’t realize they also had a multi-fat-ural element there too. “So you think I’m fat?”

 He frowned and looked worried. “There are lots of fatter people. All kinds. Some with behinds so big they can’t even fit in a regular chair.”

 I wondered if he had pictures.

 “But I don’t know if they could eat this cheeseburger like you could,” he added.

 “Why not?”

 “Cause I don’t know whether they’re fat from eating too much, or fat from a gland problem. We learned that, too.”

 Hmmmm. So all us fatties could be divided into two groups. People who eat too much. And people with gland problems. Naturally, a gland problem was better, because it meant your fatness was not really your fault, in contrast to people like me who were fat because of our own lack of self-control, lust for food, and sheer gluttony.

 “So which group am I in?”

 He nodded, his eyes big. “I don’t think yours is a gland problem, Dad. I mean, I’m not a doctor, but people with gland problems, well –“

 “Well, what?”

 “Well, they don’t look healthy. Their skin is kind of –“

 “Splotchy? Rash-y? Crusty?”

 “Yeah, kind of.”

 “And my skin isn’t that way?”

 He looked me over. “A little. But not that much.”

 I considered right then whether to just crash my car into an overpass, or wait till I had my final giant cheeseburger or sixth plate of Mom’s spaghetti.

 “So my problem is sheer gluttony?”

 “What’s gluttony?”

 “That’s a person who eats and eats and eats, and keeps on eating, and really never stops hardly at all, except to sleep, or go to the bathroom.”

 He nodded thoughtfully. “Well, you eat a lot. But not that much, I don’t think.”

 “Thanks, Gardner. You have certainly refreshed me today.”

 “But that’s not why I really think you’re fat.”

 Should I ask him the question? Should I take this all the way till I slid into total depression and suicidal feelings? Or should I just end this now, and believe the best somehow, despite these august truths?

 I couldn’t resist. “Why?”

 “I’ve seen you eat. Every night at dinner.”

 “And you think I could eat a six-pound cheeseburger, just like that?”

 “Sure.”

 “Do you know how much a Big Mac has on it, meat-wise?”

 He crinkled his brow. “A couple of pounds?”

 “In that case, how many Big Macs would fit into a six-pound cheeseburger?”

 He thought again. Hard. Steam came out of his ears. “A hundred?”

 He never was that good at math. Deep down, I wanted to slap him, just slap him. But I had to be patient, to wait on God for the great truth that had to come out of this somewhere. After all, I was the mature one here, wasn’t I? Wasn’t I?

 “Actually, a Big Mac has about a quarter pound of meat in it. So how many quarter pounds would fit into a six pound burger?”

 He shook his head. “We haven’t learned fractions yet.”

 Naturally. “Okay, let’s say there are four Big Macs in a one-pound cheeseburger. How many would be in a six-pound cheeseburger?”

 He snapped his fingers. “That’s six times four, right?”

 “Right.”

 “Twenty-four.”

 “Very good.”

 He smiled. “I’m good at math.”

 As I have confirmed.

 “Great. So have you ever seen me eat twenty-four Big Macs?”

 “No way.”

 “But you think I could still eat this six-pound burger?”

 “Yeah, but Dad, if you ate twenty-four Big Macs, you’d have to pay for all of them. That would be like a hundred dollars. But if you eat the six-pound burger, you’d get it for free. That’s why I think you could eat it.”

 When we got home, I would put him in the bathtub and make him stay underwater for a couple of hours.

 “So you’re not only saying I’m fat, but I’m also cheap?”

 He thought about it again. “If I tell you, you won’t kill me, will you?”

 I thought about it. “If you say it out loud, I’m going to stop the car, let you off here, go up fifty yards, turn around, and run you down at a hundred miles an hour.”

 He nodded. “Guess I won’t answer that one then.”

 “Good idea.”

            Many times in life I have switched jobs or even gotten laid off and had to go find something new with little financial security. But undoubtedly the biggest “leap” for me was going fulltime freelance as a writer. I had one big contract for a book series, but beyond that I had little to no assurance that the money would be there when I needed it. Yet, it seemed God kept saying, “Go for it.”

            I hated my job in a machinery company as a Customer Service Manager. All I heard every day were complaints, arguments, curses, and chew-outs galore. My job was to calm such people and get them what they needed, but it was often hard going.  I longed to write fulltime, because I loved it. Writing for me was like breathing: it simply flowed. My dream was writing novels and nonfiction that would grace the bestseller lists. But even if that never happened, all of it was simple, raw, mind-exploding fun.

            When the time came in 1993 to make the jump, I remember my dad, who was president of the company I worked for, calling me into his office. After some chitchat, he said, “You realize if you do this, you’ll never be able to come back here to work again.” 

            I nodded.

            “And your benefits will run out pretty quickly, if you stick to this for a long time. You’ll be paying for them all out of pocket.” 

            “Right.”

            “And you have two kids for whom you, as a single parent, must provide all the care.” 

            “Correct.” 

            He gazed at me steadily. “What will you do when the contracts dry up?” 
            I sucked down a gulp of air, thinking quickly. “I’ll type faster.” 

            “I’m serious, Mark.” My father was always pretty serious.

            “Dad, I have to try this. If it all caves in two years from now, then God’ll lead me to something else.” 

            “What else?” 

            “I don’t know. God knows.” 

            He stared deeply into my eyes. “You really believe that, don’t you?” 

            “Absolutely.” 

            He shook his head. “You certainly have greater faith than me.” 

            “I’m not competing with you, Dad.” 

            He twiddled on the edge of his desk a moment, then said, “Okay, then Godspeed. Good luck, type fast, and don’t give up. And don’t come bawling to me if things get tight.”

            “No bawling. Just a quick ten-thousand dollar loan is all I’ll need.” 

            “I may not have it, you know.”

            “Then I’ll hit up Mom.” 

            Finally, he laughed. I needed some lightness in the midst of all this tension. “Dad, I know what I’m doing. I know this business just like you know yours. If I thought I couldn’t handle it, I wouldn’t even attempt it. But I feel like I have to try. I’m forty-three years old. Not much time left to reach for the stars. How old were you when you started this company?” 

            He thought about it. “Fifty.” 

            “Okay, I have seven years on you. Worst comes to worst, I’ll sell the kids.” 

            He smiled. “I’m glad you have a sense of humor about this.” 

            “I’m dead serious.” 

            “Who will you sell the kids to?” 

            “You, of course. You think they’re precious gems, angels, worth millions.” 
            He really laughed. “We’ll have to negotiate that one. But okay. Go to it. Sock away as much as you can for the lean times. And remember to pray for me to have the same kind of faith as you when it comes to the crunch.” 

            “I will.”   

            I walked out of the company that had given me security, health benefits, a 401K, a life insurance policy and pretty much all I needed financially for nine years. But now I threw all that away to do writing the way I wanted. 

            It was truly scary. But like the verse promises, God was with me. I’ve been doing it ever since and God has always provided. It seems at times I had to go into the fire, too. I’ve had lean years, years lean as burned turkey. My publisher killed the multi-book contract I mentioned earlier with two books to go, books and money I counted on. For awhile, nothing appeared on the horizon, and at times as I stumbled around my apartment with my hands on my head, crying, “What am I going to do?”, the desperation went deep. But God was there at that time also. He opened up new doors. I would, in time, get the greatest contracts of my life, I would remarry, have two more kids, and felt the “adventure” God led me on like a great thrill ride. I never knew what was coming next. But always, always, always, God led the way, comforted me in tough times, spoke words of assurance and guidance when I felt lost, and in general kept me afloat.

            I have found God takes very seriously every promise he has made in scripture. If you cite it, he will back it up with action. Divine, supernatural action. 

            That for me is great comfort and hope.  What about you? 

&            &            &

            The verse I come to when such momentous decisions come into my life is Psalm 32:8, a song King David wrote after his sin with Bathsheba. After he confesses his sin, God tells him, “I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you”(Psalm 32:8).

            What tremendous words. God takes on the role of personal tutor and mentor for each of us. He promises not only to be with us in troubling times, but to offer us counsel and guidance from the One who knows all, sees all, and understands always what is best for all concerned. Do you know anyone in this world like that? To have someone inside you at that level, is it not a wonder? Yet, that’s the essence of the Christian life, isn’t it? To have a real relationship with a God who takes our lives so seriously he wants to be involved with us at the most intimate levels? 

            I love Jesus’ statement in John 14:23: “If anyone loves me, he will keep my words; and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our abode with him.” I meet too many Christians who think this indwelling presence of God is just so hum-drum, not really spectacular at all, nothing really to run home and rave about. I suspect their real problem is that they’ve never related to him at that level and thus have never experienced the magnificence of having the God of creation, the Lord of lords and King of kings right down home inside their hearts. But those who have know the precious reality of that presence and would not exchange it for anything in this world. 

            The day my father died of a heart attack while playing tennis in Florida on a vacation, my mother called me with the terrible news. I had been praying that Dad, since he was sixty-seven and had heart problems, would be granted ten more years of life. It was not to be. I stood there, the phone in my hand, fighting the tears, fighting the disappointment, fighting the horror of what had happened. Afterwards, I walked around the house wailing and crying out, “Why? Why? WHY?”

            It seemed the voice in my heart spoke very gently. “Mark, I know how you loved your dad. But it was his time. His heart was worn out. But I can assure you, you are not alone in this.” 

            I knew I wasn’t. That didn’t make it easier. But family, friends, business associates, and the Comforter himself were all with me in those days following. When I had to tell my two daughters that afternoon, I could barely stammer out the words. They were equally distraught, but we all prayed together and peace came over us at the strangest times. I would remember great moments with Dad at the oddest times, and I would feel a joy that God had made him my father in this world over and over. 

            When the worst calamities in all of life strike, where do you get your comfort, your encouragement, your words of wisdom to keep you through? If I had not been a Christian for all the deaths I’ve witnessed over the years, I don’t think I would have lasted this long. Every one was an amputation, a cleaving of the heart. But with God in me somehow it’s different. I knew my father was with him, I knew they were undoubtedly chuckling over some of the crazy episodes of his life together.

            To me, that presence can hold me, and keep me strong through just about anything this life hurls at me. Isn’t it the same for you? 

            The most fascinating of all elections is upon us, and I’m fascinated.

            For the first time, I see  a real choice in the nominees. Instead of the old hard-eyed decision between two bowls of cold oatmeal, it’s shaping up to be a bigger menu: possum and muskrat. Some delicious options here.

            But really, what is it I, a conservative, like about Sen. Obama? There are a number of things.

            For one, he’s a true liberal. He won the nomination by playing left, and now he intends to win the election by moving to the middle, as the Clintonian triangulation process mandates. Truly, Obama’s the real thing, the most liberal Senator in the Senate, never crossing lines to work with partisans, political as all get-out, and now proving he really is slicker than Slick Willie himself. Of course, he still says he can unite the country, and he probably can because most of us are fools anyway. Fool me once, I’m an idiot. Fool me twice, I’m still an idiot. Fool me three, four times, just shoot me, I’m definitely not worth leaving alive. 

            Look at it this way: for the first time in years we’ll really see liberalism at work. Liberals will be able to strut their stuff like never before. They’ll have carte blanche to do everything they’ve always wanted to. They’ll be able to remake America in their image. Then we can decide once and for all whether this stuff really works, or if it’s as crackpot as a lot of the crackpots on the other side say. Should be good medicine for the soul, know what I mean?

            A second reason I like Sen. Obama is because sooner or later he’ll disclose what kinds of changes he really wants and how he will implement them. This will happen either after he’s elected, which is the usual way, or perhaps before if the press realizes he intends to take away freedom of the press for good. At first he’ll just go after those nutty conservative talk shows, but sooner or later he’ll get around to snuffing anyone who disagrees with him. The guy just has no sense of humor about anything, especially people who contradict him. Gotta like that. It’ll definitely unite the country because we won’t be able to think anything but what Barack wants, likes, and decides. After all, his wife told us he won’t let us get away with any of that easy-going, grilling-in-the-backyard stuff anymore? We’ll all be in lines – for gas, for health-care, for a bowl of soup. That makes me dream of the good old days, know what I mean?

            A third reason I like the Senator is because he just makes people feel so good. He’s the Dr. Feelgood and his Travelin’ Show. And miracle of miracles, he’s here. Sen. McCain is such a curmudgeonly, stick-in-the-mud, overly-principled drill sergeant-old crapper that he just comes out an says what he thinks.

            But Barack? Hey, you want to feel good, cry a few tears, laugh uproariously at conservatives, and walk away with a contact high, grab a seat. He’s more than a motivational speaker. He’s a mountain-moving, marvel-tongued, Messianic-Gonna-Be-The-New-Savior kind of guy. We haven’t seen his likes since Moses. And the way his wife talks, he’s going to lay down the law, just like Moses did, too. Yessirree, Michelle’ll be proud of our country for the second time in her life if Barack gets in there and starts hurling laws around.

            So that’s what I like about the man. He flips switches. In fact, if he doesn’t flip yours, you probably ain’t got switches.

            Anyway, if nothing else about Obama gets us through the next decade, that smile of his will. Look it direct in the face, you won’t be able to see for another eight years.  

Elizabeth Turns Off the Lightning

By

Mark Littleton

   A storm raged outside Elizabeth’s window. Lightning flashed. Thunder boomed. Elizabeth cried from her bed, “Daddy, the lightning! Turn off the lightning and thunder!” 

   Daddy stepped into her room. “What’s the matter, Elizabeth?”

   She pulled the sheet up to her nose with her wide eyes bugging out at him. “I can’t sleep. The lightning and thunder scare me. Please turn them off.” 

   Daddy sighed. “To do that, we have to go to the Lightning Switch. We can go in my rocketship, if you want.” 

   “A rocketship? I didn’t know you had one of them.” The sheets came down to her mouth. “It’ll take us there?”

   “Yes.”

   The sheet came down to her chin. “Will we go to the moon?”

   “Almost.” 

   “Okay.” Elizabeth jumped out of bed, pulled on her snow boots, her mermaid dress, and her cowboy hat.

   Daddy took her downstairs. He grabbed some bananas and they climbed into his minivan.

   “How come you have bananas?” Elizabeth asked.

   “You’ll see. Hold on.” 

   The minivan shot up into the air. High, high above the houses, and then the city. Soon, they were in outer space.

   “Look at the moon, Daddy!” Elizabeth cried. “It’s smiling.”

   “It’s happy we’re coming near to say hello.” 

   “Hello, Moon,” Elizabeth said and waved. She looked out the back window. “Daddy, is that blue round thing earth?” 

   “Right.”

   Elizabeth waved again. “Goodbye, earth.”   

   Something hit the windshield.

   “What was that?” Elizabeth cried.

   “Space bugs,” Daddy said.

   Lightning flashed all around.  Bugs splatted. Daddy turned on the wipers and shot some water on the windshield.

   Suddenly, a monkey grabbed the window. “What’s that?” she cried. 

   “A Moon Monkey,” Daddy said. “Give it a banana!”

   Elizabeth handed the Moon Monkey a banana. It smiled and ate.

   Lightning burst all around them. The thunder roared. Elizabeth held her ears.   Soon the monkeys surrounded the van. Elizabeth gave them all bananas.  

   Bugs struck. Moon Monkeys streaked after them eating bananas. Meteors crashed against the sides of the van, leaving bit dents. Up ahead, Elizabeth saw a giant switch. “Is that it?”

   “You’ll have to open your window to switch it off.” 

   The lightning blasted on the top of the van. On the sides. Everywhere. 

   Trembling, Elizabeth let down the window. Her cowboy hat almost blew off, but she pushed it on tighter.

   Moon Monkeys chattered. Bugs zoomed around her. She reached out.

   “It’s too far away, Daddy.” 

   He drove closer. 

   Elizabeth got her hand on the switch. She pulled.

   It wouldn’t budge.

   A Moon Monkey helped her.

   Together, they pulled it down.

   Instantly, the wind kicked up. The lightning crackled even more fiercely. Rain pelted the side of the car.

   “You pushed the switch the wrong way!” Daddy cried. He veered the van around in a circle. They came back to the switch. One of the Moon Monkeys jumped onto the switch and switched it down another notch.

   The wrong way again! Great hailstones clattered against the van. Tornadoes whirled about. Winds tore at Elizabeth’s hat.

   “What do we do?” she cried.

   “Here,” Daddy said, handing her a hammer. “You’ll have to whack that switch back the other way.” 

   Elizabeth took the hammer. She opened her window as Daddy sped toward the Switch. Elizabeth leaned out with the hammer in her hand.

   “You’ll have to stand on the roof,” Daddy cried.

   “I’m afraid!” 

   “You can do it!”

   Elizabeth took a deep breath. Then she climbed out the window. They soared closer to the Lightning Switch.

   Closer. Closer. 

   Elizabeth leaned way over. The switch was just yards away. She raised the hammer. Her cowboy hat stayed in place. And . . .

   She swung at the Switch. Bang!

   Nothing happened.

   Bang! Again.

   Nothing.

   “Help, Moon Monkeys,” Elizabeth shouted. “I have more bananas.” 

   All the monkeys jumped on the switch. Bam! Bam! Bam!

   Everything went black.

   The lightning stopped. Elizabeth swung into the window. “Whew!” she said.

   “You did it!” Daddy said and they smacked hands.

   They zoomed back to earth. 

   Daddy tucked Elizabeth in. “Now you can sleep,” he said.

   “Until next time,” Elizabeth said. “But now we know what to do.” 

   Daddy nodded.

   Elizabeth looked up at the moon. “Goodbye, Moon,” she whispered. “Hello, earth.” 

   Daddy left.

   “Okay, you can come out now!” Elizabeth said.

   All the Moon Monkeys jumped onto her bed. Then they all fell asleep and dreamed about bananas, lightning, and switches. 

   My wife and I watched “27 Dresses” the other night. As usual, several times during the movie I was moved to tears. Afterwards, my wife asked me what I liked so much about this movie in particular, and this genre of movies – romantic comedies – even more in particular.

   I had to think about it. I’ve seen a lot of RCs over the years, from “Pretty Woman” to “Working Girl” to “Must Love Dogs” to “Music and Lyrics.” In fact, if there’s one out there that I haven’t seen, sometimes many times, it’s probably because everyone on earth told me it was a dud. If only one person out of a thousand, said, “Yeah, I liked it,” I’m there.

   So how to answer my wife? She suggested, “Is it the pretty girls with big you know whats – is that it? Them wiggling around and hanging out all over?”

   I laughed. “Not really. I have you for all those things.”

   That made her smile. But then I said, “You know, I think it has something to do with seeing a girl triumph in the end, get the man, win, succeed, all that.  I think women have been so beaten down by the world that it’s good to see one of them win, at least on the screen.” 

   She scoffed. “But you know nothing about real women, how we think, how we feel inside. Why is it that you love watching these women so much in contrast to reality?”
   Was I that much of a dolt? Sheesh, I’m only a guy.

   Yet, it was a good question and I said, after much thought, “I think it’s kind of that on the screen you have a simple structure. Men can ‘get’ the woman in a way that doesn’t happen in real life. You know probably within the first few minutes of the film what she really wants, what she’s going after, what she’s all about. There’s no guessing. There’s no looking at her face and trying to figure out if she’s angry, or frustrated, or totally in love, or what. You know by the way the movie unfolds everything she’s thinking and feeling. And I think some men like that. Like me. For once, we feel like we understand and even know this person. In contrast to most of our encounters with women in real life.” 

   She had to think about that. But I had more. “I think there’s a bigger explanation, though.” 

   She gave me those deep, green, mysterious eyes for a second. “Hit me with it.” 

   “Well, I think human history is the Great Story of all great stories. God is writing this incredible story with twists, turns, knock-downs, horrible sins, and so on. But God has shown us in the Bible that there’s a happy ending. That the good guys – and girls – win in the end. That evil does not triumph. See, when directors try to do movies that are ambiguous, or where evil wins in the end, or where no one wins, they usually fail. We as people intrinsically want to see good triumph. We want to see the good people win. We like getting there, too. Seeing them down at the bottom with nowhere to look but up. We like to see them pounded down a little. But in the end, we want a win.” 

   She nodded and sank down on the bed. “I guess it makes some sense.” 

   “Of course it does. I always make ‘some’ sense. It’s the archetypical story. It’s why so many stories are like that. Person has a problem. The problem gets worse. He or she can’t solve it on their own. People reach out to them. They join forces. At some point, it looks so bleak, you think there’s no way. Then they pull the rabbit out of the hat, and everything is perfect. For the last few seconds of the story, anyway.” 

   She laughed. “So what you want is simple women you can understand, and a happily ever after ending, and you’re happy?” 

   “Yeah, and usually crying too.” 

   “Well, it’s a pretty standard Hollywood formula. Books, novels, too, as you said. The archetype. I guess God has built that desire, conviction, whatever you want to call it, into us. And we react to anything not like that with rejection and sometimes even anger. I get that. I think really almost everything relies on that principle at some point. Except people like Oliver Stone and the weirdo movie directors and writers who insist on telling us the world is a horrible place, there’s no good, and we all lose in the end.” 

   “Right.”  

   Whenever I talk to people about God, Jesus, the Bible and so on, I often ask them what they think God is like. Several answers pretty much cover it all. 

   “He’s loving, forgiving, and very understanding.” 

   “He’s angry at us and can’t wait to send us all to hell.” 

   “He’s out there somewhere, but I don’t think anyone can really know for sure.” 

   And, “I don’t think he exists. If he did, our world wouldn’t be so messed up.” 

   Those are honest answers, but I wonder if many people, even Christians, have really thought this through. For instance, if you take the God revealed in the Bible, one thing you will find out quickly is that he’s just, righteous, and holy, holy, holy. What do those things mean? 

   That he’s just means he must deal justly every person who has ever done anything wrong – stealing, lying, killing, committing adultery, cursing his name, etc.  – and ultimately to mete out justice for the crimes they’ve committed. Nothing can be overlooked. Everything must be considered, including that person’s situation in life – “he stole because he couldn’t get a job and had to feed his children and he had no money.” “He committed adultery because his wife hated him and cut him off.” Or, “He was a nasty guy and hated everyone and decided to kill people for no good reason.” And so on. God, being just, would consider every variable, nuance, problem that the person had, and so on. Only then would he pronounce sentence. 

   That he’s righteous means God himself would never commit a sin, or do something wrong and against his own laws, himself. He would never cheat, obfuscate, deceive, or manipulate, no matter how exercised he might have been at the time over Lucy’s incessant talking late into the night in prayer, or whatever.

   That he’s holy means he is utterly separate from all evil, sin, and unrighteousness. He can’t even look at a person who is sinful or evil. He has to hide from that person and go somewhere where he doesn’t have to see them, because if he did, he’d immediately have to destroy them and wipe every vestige of them off the face of the earth. 

   Now look at that rather short list: God has to judge human sin, would never commit sin himself, and can’t even look on a human who sins. So the question is how can he have anything to do with us? 

   Okay, you see part of the problem. But let’s go the other way for a second. God has other characteristics that seem to negate some of the above. For instance, the Bible explicitly says, “God is love”(see 1 John 4:8 and 16). He is loving. He loves everyone, everything equally, without partisanship or partiality. He doesn’t prefer Jennifer Aniston because she’s better looking than Phyllis Diller. God doesn’t bless George Clooney because he’s the coolest guy in the universe, and shun Jerry Stiller because he plays idiots on TV. No, God loves them all deeply, totally, and forever, because that’s who he is, love itself. 

   He’s also merciful. That means he wants to show mercy to anyone and everyone, whether they ask for it or not. He wants to let them off the hook, give them a free ride, overlook the latest drunkenness spree, and flush the nasty pictures out of his mind. In other words, he wants very much to give all of us a big break, and especially if we do ask for. 

   Another thing: he’s forgiving. He has forgiven people when they repented of their sin and asked for it(all of the disciples), when they didn’t(the paralyzed man in Matthew 9:1-8), and when they didn’t even expect it or want it(the Romans who nailed Jesus to the cross). God wants to forgive us more than we’re even willing to ask.

   Most of all, God is gracious. That means he wants to give us everything he has, can make, and be to all of us. Every blessing. Every good thing. Just pile it all on. That’s his nature. He literally wants to give us the greatest birthday party every day for eternity.

   Okay, all that’s very encouraging. But do you notice the dilemma? 

   If God’s just, righteous and holy, he can’t forgive anyone, love anyone, be merciful or gracious. No, he has to judge them and send them off on a permanent vacation in a very dark place where they won’t be able to inflict themselves on anyone ever again. 

   But if he’s forgiving, loving, merciful, and gracious, he wants to shower us with every good gift.

   The dilemma is: How does he do all that and not compromise his character in any way? In other words, if he’s just he has to be absolutely just and can never forgive anyone. On the other hand, if he forgives, he can no longer be just. 

   It’s a pretty big problem, don’t you think? But the reality is, God solved all this rather simply: He sent us Jesus. 

   What did Jesus do? He lived a perfect life, satisfying God’s requirement to be perfect. Then Jesus died on the cross, paying the penalty for every sin that was ever and will be committed, and satisfying God’s justice, righteousness, and holiness. 

   Do you see it? Jesus lived the perfect life in our place and by faith gives it to us so when we exercise faith in him. When God looks at us, he doesn’t see us – sinner, foul-up, idiot, jerk, genocidal maniac, serial killer, or whatever – no, he sees Jesus in us by faith and he treats us as if we truly were perfect.

   At the same time, he takes all our sins and puts them on Jesus. Jesus pays for every one of them, and when we accept that payment by faith, God forgives us forever, releases his mercy and grace, and loves us perfectly. 

   How can it be that simple?

   Why shouldn’t it be? Think about it. No matter how much you might try to be good, righteous and perfect for God, you could never do it. Sooner or later, you’ll foul up. So God says, “Believe in my Son; he’ll pay for your sins, and you get his perfection. All by faith in him.” 

   Some people say, “Well, why doesn’t God just forgive us all and leave it at that?”

   That’s the dilemma: he can’t just forgive us all because someone or something has to pay for those sins. If God’ just says, “I forgive everyone,” he has seriously compromised his justice and all those great truths about his greatness, goodness, and holiness.

   You might say, “Well, I guess he should just punish us all.” 

   Sure, but he’s loving, remember? Gracious? Merciful? He doesn’t want to punish any of us. 

   So he made a way for him to be himself completely and for us, by faith, to get everything he wants to give us: forgiveness, eternal life, heaven, and the resident Spirit.

   Some will say, though: “You mean, Jesus had to die that horrible death just so I can be forgiven?” 

   Right. That’s the price of sin. That’s the price we should pay ourselves. If God was to be just with us, he’d put us on that cross and leave us there until every sin we ever committed was paid for. God wants us to see in Jesus’ death just how bad our sin is.

   Some say, “But I just curse a little. I don’t get drunk. I’ve been faithful. I haven’t done a lot of sin.” 

   Maybe you’d better ask your family about that one. If you really examine yourself, you’ll probably see a lot more sin than you ever imagined – in thought, word, and deed. I have never met a person who truly was perfect. Nice? Sure. Decent? Of course. But perfect? Can you name one besides Jesus? 

   God solved the Great Dilemma in Jesus. That’s why he’s the way, the truth, and the life. No one else did what he did. 

   Ultimately, you can take him or leave him. But remember one thing: if you do reject him, God will have to deal with you in perfect justice.

    Are you sure you really want to take that doorway when forgiveness, eternal life, joy, love, peace, and every good thing comes with faith in Christ, who is the Door to all of it and more?  

   Having recently seen, “Expelled: Intelligence Not Allowed,” the movie, I thought I should comment on this issue of creation that has twisted so many of us in the U.S. into knots, both liberal and conservative, Christian and otherwise. 

   Let me first say the movie was first-rate. I have already read several scathing reviews of it, which says to me it’s hitting some nerves. So bring it on. I don’t think the point of the movie was that Intelligent Design is superior to Darwinian evolution, just that the debate should remain open and vigorous, which it obviously isn’t. Too many in the sciences and academia seem to think evolution is a “closed issue” and completely “proved.” The truth is they will not allow dissent about this from any quarter, even though solid scientists like Stephen Jay Gould, Francis Crick, and Francis Collins all saw/see flaws in basic evolutionary theory. And there are many others.  I really think it’s in the interest of America, humanity, understanding, and the sheer need to talk about something intelligent now and then, we should allow the debate not only to start, but to get going with a little American free-thinking, free-speaking, free-hurling-of-verbal-bombs enthusiasm. 

   Regardless, let me tell you a little about my own journey in this matter and perhaps offer some intelligent conclusions. 

   To open, I have been fascinated by the evolutionary debate from my high school and college days back in the 1960s and 70s. We dissected fetal pigs and live rats in those days and remember marveling that I could open up a white rat’s chest and see that tiny heart pounding away like the Little Engine That Could.  I don’t remember the bio prof saying much about evolution at the time; what I do remember is that he wore the same shirt every class for the whole semester. The one time I went up to ask him a question, I had to turn away and ask someone for smelling salts before I could voice it without retching. That did throw a little wrench into my respect for people of the scientific mind, and I thought I should recommend that all the chem., physics, and bio majors not only learn how to memorize scientific laws like “ontology recapitulates philology” but also some lessons in good grooming(“A little dab’ll do ya” – Albert Einstein’s Law on how he keeps that mane of his tamed). 

   It never seemed to me a closed issue as I often talked to friends about it in college in “bull sessions” and the opinions flew about like vampiric mosquitoes in search of human blood. I remember a friend in college who was a pre-med student and an ardent evolutionist. He claimed everything in life happened through chemical reactions in the brain. I asked him, “Well, Diz, how do you explain your love for your girlfriend of several years?”

   He could only laugh. “My chemical reactions respond to her with a chemical called love, and her chemical reactions respond to me, that’s all.”

   I responded, “Fine, but please don’t tell her that. You may get hit. Or dumped.” 

   He agreed and looked around, putting his finger to his lips.

   Over the years, I have read all kinds of books on the issue, studied the fossil record, considered various data on mutations, and everything else I could find. Since I’d become a Christian in my early twenties, I never really saw that evolution had much of an argument. The fossil record was full of giant gaps, which evolutionists seemed to make “leaps of faith” about the same way I leaped to God when I first learned about eternal life, love, forgiveness, and that I could actually learn “the truth” about everything from him personally.

   Meanwhile, just to be sure, I took long looks at the fruit flies bombarded with radiation, the Miller-Urey lightning-in-a-bottle experiment, and all of it from Australopithecus to Zebra stripes. I never saw a fruit fly that turned into a mockingbird, or vice-versa. I read the results of anthropologists all vigorously trying to find that “missing link” in various digs here and there, and it seemed every bone they turned up turned out to be an ancient pre-human lineage that unfortunately didn’t lead to us but to some offshoot that never survived. 

   Moreover, I kept asking myself, if there really is this descent from apes to humankind, why aren’t we finding fossils all over the place of everything from rhesus monkeys to Richard Dawkins? The evolutionists kept saying, “They didn’t fossilize.” I honestly think they should take another look at Dr. Dawkins, but anyway . . . if we’re talking millions of years here, why not? We have so many other fossils, why not human beings, who in earlier incarnations might actually have tried to preserve the pre-human remains in a cave, crypt, or the latest steel box from the Charles Darwin Funeral Home for People Who Went Ape(the PWWAs)? Also, why aren’t there missing link species all over the world today? Why is it that only actual human beings seem to have survived? We have pygmies, aborigines, blacks, whites, Asians, and so on. Why not Cro-Magnons, Lucys, and Neanderthals lurking here and there in a colony dedicated to the “Mastodon Dance” so they can bring home some fresh meat for dinner?

   I hit the second problem with a Christian friend who had been a pastor but had to retire because of a serious bicycle accident that incurred brain damage. I knew he believed in evolution, “theistic evolution” anyway, and I said to him, “Jim, I’ve really studied this. How can you believe it? I mean, look at the fossil record. It’s so full of holes, you couldn’t even make a hunk of Swiss Cheese worth eating from it.”

   Jim gave me some website addresses. “Look at these. You’ll be amazed how they’ve filled in the gaps.” 

   So I went to the websites. Yeah, they had an impressive layout. But when I looked carefully at their “lineages” for the development of the eye, or the bird-wing, and so on, it was the same old story: giant leaps of faith everywhere. When I pointed this out to Jim, he just shrugged. “I thought it was pretty good, but then I’ve had brain damage.” 

   So, look, evolution-people. You’re gonna have to do better if you want to convince the likes of me. I’m quite open to hearing what you have to say, but so far it’s mostly been nice stories that just don’t have the facts behind them. 

   As for Creationism, which is generally defined as the belief that Genesis one is an exact record of how God made everyting in six actual days. I’ve read magazines like “Answers in Genesis,” dedicated to just that proposition. Some of their arguments are pretty good. My only problem is that I just can’t bring myself to believe God meant to give us a scientific argument in that chapter.

   Remember: evolution didn’t even come about as a genuinely scientific theory until 1859 when Darwin had “Origin of the Species” published. So how was God going to explain to those early Hebrews and everyone else up to 1859 how he did it? People didn’t have the horse chart back then. They wouldn’t have understood one-celled organisms, mutations, the Galapagos finches or the fossil record anymore than you and I understand how Michael Moore ever became a legitimate movie-maker.

   God was not about to say, “Look, you’ll just have to wait till 1859 for this one.” No, he gave us a sketchy outline that made it neat and clean and didn’t require all the nonsense we see today in biology classes. “And so, you see that all the stages of human embryo development goes through all the evolutionary stages of previous species. Ontology recapitulates . . . well, that other big word no one can remember. Of course, Haeckel, the person who drew the diagrams, made most of it up. But that’s neither here nor there. It’s true whether he made it up or not.” 

   No, those generations just wanted to know who this God was and what he was like. Genesis one told them that: he’s all-powerful(did it all fairly effortlessly, since he didn’t have to rest until the seventh day), he can create at a mere statement(“Let there be light” and there was), and he has a love for beauty(roses, tropical fish, women), variety(everything from amoebas to antelopes, goldfish to swordfish, artichokes to zucchini), the grotesque(the hippo, giraffe, crab, some of my relatives), fun(dogs, cats, hamsters, me), intrigue(cobras, Rikki-Tikki-Tavi), power(lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my), sheer crazy nutso-ness(kangaroos, ostriches, rhinoceroses, Robin Williams), practical jokes (the platypus, bat, venus flytrap, appendix), total risk(all of us out there with free will), good cooking(salt, paprika, Rachael Ray), and undoubtedly a taste for a savory cut of meat now and then(chicken, lobster, filet mignon, and pastrami on rye)(with mustard).

   Clearly, from Genesis one, one can conclude God is quite a character, not only in what he created, but how he simplified explaining it all in a way that everyone could get it through the ages, except of course today’s progressives, atheists, and members of the NEA.  

   What about I.T. or Intelligent Design? For me the old watch argument does it. You see a watch on the ground, you don’t say, “Hey, look what appeared out of nowhere today, experienced random changes through mutation, and was naturally-selected to be at this place?” No, you pick it up and if it works, you take it home and give it to your ten-year old: “Here, Gardner, you can use this now in view of the fact that we’ve bought you sixteen watches over the last few years and you’ve lost everyone of them.”

   Why is it that some people believe the most complex things in all creation like  DNA, cells, weather, planet earth, and us all happened by accident when everything else ever made and used by people was designed by intelligent beings? Why can’t we take that little step for man, that giant step for mankind, and admit that nothing ever came out of nothing, except perhaps the writings of Jim Belushi?

   Ultimately, I think there’s one reason evolutionists believe evolution over any form of design that involves an intelligent God, person, thing, being or whatever: they don’t want anyone like the God of the Bible telling them how to live. They don’t like things God says in the Bible about sin, guilt, sex, forgiveness, salvation, Jesus, people, the world, heaven, hell, and everything else. So in order to dispose of that God and his warnings that they’re accountable to him, they have to get rid of that God.

   Now that’s a hard thing to do in today’s world. First of all, he’s God, all-powerful and can do things like part the Red Sea, incinerate altars with lightning bolts, and open up the earth any time he wants. So knocking him off could be difficult. Saran has already tried it, and look where he is. 

   Thus, Plan B calls for them to shut all of us up who believe in him. But since most Christians are motor-mouths about Jesus, that also proves impossible. Furthermore, our laws say we can believe what we want. Thus, Plan C: change the laws.

   When they can’t do that, because the Supreme Court is stacked in favor of people who actually believe the Constitution, they decide to take over the education of our kids so the kids’ll believe as they do, and eventually we’ll all die out.

   Problem is, we who believe the Bible take seriously not only the God of creation in Genesis one, but also his command in that same chapter to reproduce and fill the world with our kind (non-evolutionists, presumably). So not only do we make lots of kids, but when they come home from school telling us the teacher said we all came from monkeys, we just say, “No, you came from God. Your teacher came from monkeys.” And they believe us instead of the teacher because we can whip their behinds and the teacher can’t. 

   So all the evolutionists keep running into the few of us at various street corners yelling that God is real, you’d better repent, or he’s gonna get you. It’s at that point, I think they’ll try to eliminate us completely(that happens in the end times according to the Bible, if you’ve noticed).

   Last, when only a few of us still remain, they’ll try to wipe us all out at Armageddon.

   It’s at that moment that our God returns and disposes of all of them, brings back all of us who believed in him, and we party for the next four trillion years. After that, we break up into groups and talk about what went wrong on earth with those evolutionists. After two minutes, we decide we just can’t figure it out, we go back to partying, ruling the universe, and eating filet mignons for all eternity. 

   So I guess the question is this: Look, do you want to hold to your weak, foolish, and full-of-holes arguments about evolution, or do you want to repent of all that and party with the God who is the ultimate Party-Guy of the Universe?

   For those of us who enjoy blowing horns, shooting off fireworks, eating shrimp, French onion dip and chips, not having a hangover the next morning, talking about something other than the latest news about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and seeing God blow our minds for the rest of eternity, it’s a pretty easy choice.