Evolution and Intelligent Design

   Having recently seen, “Expelled: Intelligence Not Allowed,” the movie, I thought I should comment on this issue of creation that has twisted so many of us in the U.S. into knots, both liberal and conservative, Christian and otherwise. 

   Let me first say the movie was first-rate. I have already read several scathing reviews of it, which says to me it’s hitting some nerves. So bring it on. I don’t think the point of the movie was that Intelligent Design is superior to Darwinian evolution, just that the debate should remain open and vigorous, which it obviously isn’t. Too many in the sciences and academia seem to think evolution is a “closed issue” and completely “proved.” The truth is they will not allow dissent about this from any quarter, even though solid scientists like Stephen Jay Gould, Francis Crick, and Francis Collins all saw/see flaws in basic evolutionary theory. And there are many others.  I really think it’s in the interest of America, humanity, understanding, and the sheer need to talk about something intelligent now and then, we should allow the debate not only to start, but to get going with a little American free-thinking, free-speaking, free-hurling-of-verbal-bombs enthusiasm. 

   Regardless, let me tell you a little about my own journey in this matter and perhaps offer some intelligent conclusions. 

   To open, I have been fascinated by the evolutionary debate from my high school and college days back in the 1960s and 70s. We dissected fetal pigs and live rats in those days and remember marveling that I could open up a white rat’s chest and see that tiny heart pounding away like the Little Engine That Could.  I don’t remember the bio prof saying much about evolution at the time; what I do remember is that he wore the same shirt every class for the whole semester. The one time I went up to ask him a question, I had to turn away and ask someone for smelling salts before I could voice it without retching. That did throw a little wrench into my respect for people of the scientific mind, and I thought I should recommend that all the chem., physics, and bio majors not only learn how to memorize scientific laws like “ontology recapitulates philology” but also some lessons in good grooming(“A little dab’ll do ya” – Albert Einstein’s Law on how he keeps that mane of his tamed). 

   It never seemed to me a closed issue as I often talked to friends about it in college in “bull sessions” and the opinions flew about like vampiric mosquitoes in search of human blood. I remember a friend in college who was a pre-med student and an ardent evolutionist. He claimed everything in life happened through chemical reactions in the brain. I asked him, “Well, Diz, how do you explain your love for your girlfriend of several years?”

   He could only laugh. “My chemical reactions respond to her with a chemical called love, and her chemical reactions respond to me, that’s all.”

   I responded, “Fine, but please don’t tell her that. You may get hit. Or dumped.” 

   He agreed and looked around, putting his finger to his lips.

   Over the years, I have read all kinds of books on the issue, studied the fossil record, considered various data on mutations, and everything else I could find. Since I’d become a Christian in my early twenties, I never really saw that evolution had much of an argument. The fossil record was full of giant gaps, which evolutionists seemed to make “leaps of faith” about the same way I leaped to God when I first learned about eternal life, love, forgiveness, and that I could actually learn “the truth” about everything from him personally.

   Meanwhile, just to be sure, I took long looks at the fruit flies bombarded with radiation, the Miller-Urey lightning-in-a-bottle experiment, and all of it from Australopithecus to Zebra stripes. I never saw a fruit fly that turned into a mockingbird, or vice-versa. I read the results of anthropologists all vigorously trying to find that “missing link” in various digs here and there, and it seemed every bone they turned up turned out to be an ancient pre-human lineage that unfortunately didn’t lead to us but to some offshoot that never survived. 

   Moreover, I kept asking myself, if there really is this descent from apes to humankind, why aren’t we finding fossils all over the place of everything from rhesus monkeys to Richard Dawkins? The evolutionists kept saying, “They didn’t fossilize.” I honestly think they should take another look at Dr. Dawkins, but anyway . . . if we’re talking millions of years here, why not? We have so many other fossils, why not human beings, who in earlier incarnations might actually have tried to preserve the pre-human remains in a cave, crypt, or the latest steel box from the Charles Darwin Funeral Home for People Who Went Ape(the PWWAs)? Also, why aren’t there missing link species all over the world today? Why is it that only actual human beings seem to have survived? We have pygmies, aborigines, blacks, whites, Asians, and so on. Why not Cro-Magnons, Lucys, and Neanderthals lurking here and there in a colony dedicated to the “Mastodon Dance” so they can bring home some fresh meat for dinner?

   I hit the second problem with a Christian friend who had been a pastor but had to retire because of a serious bicycle accident that incurred brain damage. I knew he believed in evolution, “theistic evolution” anyway, and I said to him, “Jim, I’ve really studied this. How can you believe it? I mean, look at the fossil record. It’s so full of holes, you couldn’t even make a hunk of Swiss Cheese worth eating from it.”

   Jim gave me some website addresses. “Look at these. You’ll be amazed how they’ve filled in the gaps.” 

   So I went to the websites. Yeah, they had an impressive layout. But when I looked carefully at their “lineages” for the development of the eye, or the bird-wing, and so on, it was the same old story: giant leaps of faith everywhere. When I pointed this out to Jim, he just shrugged. “I thought it was pretty good, but then I’ve had brain damage.” 

   So, look, evolution-people. You’re gonna have to do better if you want to convince the likes of me. I’m quite open to hearing what you have to say, but so far it’s mostly been nice stories that just don’t have the facts behind them. 

   As for Creationism, which is generally defined as the belief that Genesis one is an exact record of how God made everyting in six actual days. I’ve read magazines like “Answers in Genesis,” dedicated to just that proposition. Some of their arguments are pretty good. My only problem is that I just can’t bring myself to believe God meant to give us a scientific argument in that chapter.

   Remember: evolution didn’t even come about as a genuinely scientific theory until 1859 when Darwin had “Origin of the Species” published. So how was God going to explain to those early Hebrews and everyone else up to 1859 how he did it? People didn’t have the horse chart back then. They wouldn’t have understood one-celled organisms, mutations, the Galapagos finches or the fossil record anymore than you and I understand how Michael Moore ever became a legitimate movie-maker.

   God was not about to say, “Look, you’ll just have to wait till 1859 for this one.” No, he gave us a sketchy outline that made it neat and clean and didn’t require all the nonsense we see today in biology classes. “And so, you see that all the stages of human embryo development goes through all the evolutionary stages of previous species. Ontology recapitulates . . . well, that other big word no one can remember. Of course, Haeckel, the person who drew the diagrams, made most of it up. But that’s neither here nor there. It’s true whether he made it up or not.” 

   No, those generations just wanted to know who this God was and what he was like. Genesis one told them that: he’s all-powerful(did it all fairly effortlessly, since he didn’t have to rest until the seventh day), he can create at a mere statement(“Let there be light” and there was), and he has a love for beauty(roses, tropical fish, women), variety(everything from amoebas to antelopes, goldfish to swordfish, artichokes to zucchini), the grotesque(the hippo, giraffe, crab, some of my relatives), fun(dogs, cats, hamsters, me), intrigue(cobras, Rikki-Tikki-Tavi), power(lions, and tigers, and bears, oh my), sheer crazy nutso-ness(kangaroos, ostriches, rhinoceroses, Robin Williams), practical jokes (the platypus, bat, venus flytrap, appendix), total risk(all of us out there with free will), good cooking(salt, paprika, Rachael Ray), and undoubtedly a taste for a savory cut of meat now and then(chicken, lobster, filet mignon, and pastrami on rye)(with mustard).

   Clearly, from Genesis one, one can conclude God is quite a character, not only in what he created, but how he simplified explaining it all in a way that everyone could get it through the ages, except of course today’s progressives, atheists, and members of the NEA.  

   What about I.T. or Intelligent Design? For me the old watch argument does it. You see a watch on the ground, you don’t say, “Hey, look what appeared out of nowhere today, experienced random changes through mutation, and was naturally-selected to be at this place?” No, you pick it up and if it works, you take it home and give it to your ten-year old: “Here, Gardner, you can use this now in view of the fact that we’ve bought you sixteen watches over the last few years and you’ve lost everyone of them.”

   Why is it that some people believe the most complex things in all creation like  DNA, cells, weather, planet earth, and us all happened by accident when everything else ever made and used by people was designed by intelligent beings? Why can’t we take that little step for man, that giant step for mankind, and admit that nothing ever came out of nothing, except perhaps the writings of Jim Belushi?

   Ultimately, I think there’s one reason evolutionists believe evolution over any form of design that involves an intelligent God, person, thing, being or whatever: they don’t want anyone like the God of the Bible telling them how to live. They don’t like things God says in the Bible about sin, guilt, sex, forgiveness, salvation, Jesus, people, the world, heaven, hell, and everything else. So in order to dispose of that God and his warnings that they’re accountable to him, they have to get rid of that God.

   Now that’s a hard thing to do in today’s world. First of all, he’s God, all-powerful and can do things like part the Red Sea, incinerate altars with lightning bolts, and open up the earth any time he wants. So knocking him off could be difficult. Saran has already tried it, and look where he is. 

   Thus, Plan B calls for them to shut all of us up who believe in him. But since most Christians are motor-mouths about Jesus, that also proves impossible. Furthermore, our laws say we can believe what we want. Thus, Plan C: change the laws.

   When they can’t do that, because the Supreme Court is stacked in favor of people who actually believe the Constitution, they decide to take over the education of our kids so the kids’ll believe as they do, and eventually we’ll all die out.

   Problem is, we who believe the Bible take seriously not only the God of creation in Genesis one, but also his command in that same chapter to reproduce and fill the world with our kind (non-evolutionists, presumably). So not only do we make lots of kids, but when they come home from school telling us the teacher said we all came from monkeys, we just say, “No, you came from God. Your teacher came from monkeys.” And they believe us instead of the teacher because we can whip their behinds and the teacher can’t. 

   So all the evolutionists keep running into the few of us at various street corners yelling that God is real, you’d better repent, or he’s gonna get you. It’s at that point, I think they’ll try to eliminate us completely(that happens in the end times according to the Bible, if you’ve noticed).

   Last, when only a few of us still remain, they’ll try to wipe us all out at Armageddon.

   It’s at that moment that our God returns and disposes of all of them, brings back all of us who believed in him, and we party for the next four trillion years. After that, we break up into groups and talk about what went wrong on earth with those evolutionists. After two minutes, we decide we just can’t figure it out, we go back to partying, ruling the universe, and eating filet mignons for all eternity. 

   So I guess the question is this: Look, do you want to hold to your weak, foolish, and full-of-holes arguments about evolution, or do you want to repent of all that and party with the God who is the ultimate Party-Guy of the Universe?

   For those of us who enjoy blowing horns, shooting off fireworks, eating shrimp, French onion dip and chips, not having a hangover the next morning, talking about something other than the latest news about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and seeing God blow our minds for the rest of eternity, it’s a pretty easy choice. 


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